Expectations can lead to disappointment; Ego can lead to frustration; Struggle can lead to growth.
I am now 24 weeks pregnant (Over 5 months!). Half of my pregnancy is done and over with. Totally rejoicing here. I think I’ve had a pretty good, easy pregnancy so far but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been without its struggles.
TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST (this is a bit embarrassing), I have only really practiced asana (the physical poses of yoga) a handful of times during my pregnancy!!! Sure, I taught for the first 4 months, and went through the motion of the poses with my students. And sure, I did a handful of poses here and there whenever I had certain aches and pains in my body…but really, my PASSION, my ENJOYMENT of yoga…had been MISSING these past 5 months. It had made me sad, ashamed, and downright FRUSTRATED.
In my previous blog, I touched upon some of the common struggles pregnant yogis have and some of the remedies or pose alternatives. In my own practice, I have been implementing some of those, but what’s the use of knowing those adjustments…when you don’t even feel like practicing in the first place!? Beyond the physical changes and challenges of being pregnant (breathing, balance, strength, endurance issues to name a few), I just did not have the motivation or desire to pull out my mat and practice for more than 5 minutes at a time. My body just seemed too FOREIGN and I was just too tired. When teaching, I began sitting or standing while giving instruction for most of the class. I began to keep my demonstrations to a minimum. It worked out fine, but I just didn’t feel my normal energy towards teaching and practicing and I’m sure my students noticed (I ended up handing my classes over for the remainder of my pregnancy).
This past teacher training at Happy-U Namaste (a lovely yoga studio in Ocean Beach, San Diego) I assisted a couple weekends. I felt so light headed those weekends during the physical portion and so INCAPABLE of doing anything. There were definitely some physical and emotional obstacles there to overcome! (GANESH, PLEASE!) We went over some prenatal concepts at the training, which was a nice refresher for me. But my heart and head just weren’t fully present.
To get back into the swing of things, I knew I had some options of attending mellow yoga classes at my favorite local studio or trying out a local prenatal studio, but once again my interest just wasn’t there. A couple of weeks later, after moving to North County San Diego, I suddenly one day realized I missed yoga. I YEARNED for it. (Maybe it was because I had stopped teaching…maybe it was the change of location and the realization that all my friends were now 30 minutes away…) I researched nearby studios and found a prenatal one with a new student deal. Sidenote: Those first week deals for new students really work for studios!
YOGA JAI MA. What a lifesaver! My first prenatal class was absolutely phenomenal. It’s strange to describe a yoga class as phenomenal…this one really was though! It was such an emotional journey with practical poses too. We learned birthing poses while chanting, AUMing, and bonding. The experience reminded me of my teacher training. It brought me back in time! I felt so much joy. I purchased the unlimited month deal for new students and now have gone a couple more times and will definitely be back for more. There’s something special about sharing the space with other pregnant women. Something MAGICAL. Anyway, I’m IN LOVE with yoga again.
I guess my point here is that your love/your passion for something like yoga may ebb and flow. Your frustrations, your ego, your struggle may seem like an impossible barrier. Give it some time. Breathe through it. Trust in the universe. Know that if it’s meant to be, you will find your way back!